we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
