maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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