Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
