I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
