Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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