Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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