Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
