why do cheetos always look like penises
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
