Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
