I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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