Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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