Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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