so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
