i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
