Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
