i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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