Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
