I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
