You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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