Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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