I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
don't judge my taste in strippers
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
