so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
this is an emotional support booty call
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
