You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
