3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
