Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
