I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
