May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
