I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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