U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
