hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
