Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
