Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
