This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
