My friends, they love my intelligence
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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