The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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