You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
