Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
