Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
