I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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