The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
