ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
