u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
