Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
