the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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