I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
