The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
