I hate your face
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
