dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
