Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
