I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
