I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
